Why I Came Back.

I wish there was a simple, completely understandable answer as to why I returned to San Diego. 

There is not.

To start with, I truly felt led to go to Texas.  And then, nothing.  I sent out numerous resumes, which were kindly accepted with the following statement:  "I'm sorry, we filled all of our positions for the upcoming school year, but we would love to keep your resume on file for next year."

That's sweet, but not very helpful. 

I finally got the photo website up and running, and printed some promo cards, and delivered them to businesses and schools in the area.  And that was a dead end street too.

I had looked into Nanny positions, but $5 an hour does not an income make.  Seriously.

Texas.  Not at all what I hoped for, or expected it to be.  I began to long for my friends, for California, for the life I took for granted.  (Because I did).

If I take away one lesson from this experience, it would be this:

Faith in God outweighs everything else.

I took a step of faith in going there.  I took a step of faith in waiting and seeking and listening.  I took a step of faith by admitting that I made the wrong decision.  And I took a step of faith by coming back and being willing to start over.

Faith didn't come easily in this.  At all.  In fact, if I may be brutally honest, after the 'honeymoon glow' of the first couple of weeks there, after the newness began to wear off, I was angry.  I had never in my life been so angry with God than during the first month there.  I felt like I had listened and acted accordingly, only to end up in a place of confusion.  I was so angry, I couldn't pray, except out of obedience and the bitter confession of my own anger.  I didn't understand what it all meant.  Why I had made the choice.  What was going to happen next.  Why I felt so far from God when I needed Him the most.

It took time for the anger to begin to subside, and I was able to come to Him in prayer without that barrier.  And then, in the bleakest of moments, in each decline of the job search, I began to have utter, blind faith in Him.  I knew in my heart He would provide, and give me direction, but until then, I'd have to be willing to go as far as He wanted me to in the journey of faith.  I was anxious, terrified, remorseful, and sad.  But, I was trusting Him, with all my broken soul.  He helped me identify my pride and fear of judgement, and the need to prove that I was right.  I had built a house of cards around my myself, each card stating "I was right", "I am strong", "I will not give up".  And that house began to crumble, until it was just me, face to face with God, my sin of self righteousness fully exposed. 

And you know what?  It didn't matter.  I repented, and my pride didn't matter anymore. 

But, what mattered then, was faith in my God, the God of love, of miracles, and of provision. 

And, in turn, He was faithful to me. 

Part 2.

That first part was written before I left for California.  I am humbled, and so thankful that I haven't had a large influx of people say to me:  'What did you do that for?  Why did you go to begin with??'  No, I told you so. 
Nothing but open arms, 'I'm so glad you are back', love, encouragement, and the 'at least you tried, and now you know.'
I'm glad I tried.
God wanted me to come face to face with Him.   
I can see it now, how He stripped me of my comfort zone, in many different ways, so that I would seek Him, and Him alone.  To trust Him and find peace in the midst of circumstances that we are surrounded by.
To have faith.
Do I still believe that I listened to Him and that He led me to Texas?  Absolutely.
That's not to say that I don't occasionally question it, but I believe I did what He asked of me.
It's not as if He told me how long to stay there.
Life is a little bit different now. 
But it, and God, is good.

Beside the spiritual journey, I am truly a California girl at heart. 
Texas is a wonderful place to visit, and for many, a great place to live.
I prefer the CA frame of mind, the nearby beaches, the weather, and the education system in which I work.  It's home, through and through.

I'm glad to be back.


p.s.  new blog link Angela is Artsy.  Take a peek.

xoxo

Tube Adventures.

Well, it appears that the major 'summer thing to do' here in New Braunfels is 'tube the river'.  Basically, you throw on your swimsuit, slather on sunscreen, grab some cold beverages and your tube, catch the river current and float downstream.  All in all, a 'lazy river' in a real river, with fish and everything.

Here's a picture example: 

My mom and I decided to give it a try.  It wasn't at all crowded.  It looks like that picture on the weekends, but not weekdays.

First off, so much fun.  The next best thing to the beach. 

I bought a nice $20 tube (from the grocery store, hehe).  Catching the first current was so fun, as it shoots you off into the river. 

Typically you pick the designated 'public river exits' to get out of the river and either walk to your car (or start your tube adventure again), or the free 'tube' buses will come and pick you up and drive you to central drop off spots. 

I caught the current at a much faster pace than my mom did, so she was quite a ways behind me.  I paddled toward the shallow side of the shore, only to get stuck in the rocks.  She finally caught up with me, and the same thing happened to her.  We got out of our tubes to discover a new river must:  wear water shoes.  The rocks were so sharp, and slippery, and you fight against the current to steady yourself to get back on the tube.  At last, we were back on track, after some stubbed toes and tumbles. 

We came to the 'last public exit' sign, and decided to get off and walk back.  I was stuck in a current away from the exit side, and decided to get out of the tube and walk across.  I put my flipflops on to help against the rocks, and edged my way off the tube, which is relatively large.  The river is, after all, waist deep...

Not.

I slid off the stupid tube in what was probably the deepest part of the whole stinkin' river.  I went all the way under, and instictively opened my eyes to get my bearing.  I'm tall, and even sinking completely under the water, I still could NOT feel the bottom.  My first thought was 'oh my gosh, I just fell into the river!'  My second thought was 'Eeeewww, I just fell into the river!'  And then 'My eyes are burning!'  I surfaced and my mom was on the shore laughing hysterically.  Thanks.  All of a sudden, I saw my shoes floating downstream, and my tube had been caught in a current going upstream.  I swam after my shoes, grabbed them, and swam after the tube. 

Swimming against a river current?  Not so fun. 

All that to say, we walked about a half mile to the car, put my mom's tube in the trunk, and tied my tube to the roof.

And that is how I lost my awesome $20 river tube after it's maiden voyage.  It was secured, but a gust of wind took it on a busy road, where it met the front tire of a large pick up truck, and got stuck.  The fellow in the truck was very nice and apologetic, as were we. 

Lessons learned:
1.  Wear swim shoes.
2.  If you see the rocks really clearly at the bottom of the river, you have entered a very shallow point.  You will get stuck.
3.  If you don't see any rocks at all, don't try to get off your tube.  You will be submerged into murky darkness.
4.  If you are going to tie a tube to the top of your car, triple tie it. 
5.  If the man who runs over your tube is cute, and in a doctor's uniform, don't be an embarrassed chicken like me.  Get out and say hello.
(I'm just saying).


The End. 

Settling In.

As the days pass, it's beginning to feel more and more like 'home'. 

Everybody is alarmingly friendly.

And helpful.

I'm busy 'decorating' my space and making it feel like a sanctuary.

I miss the family that I left behind.  But visits will come soon enough.

The weather has been crazy!  Humid, with bouts of pouring rain, and real, true, Texas style thunder/lightning storms.

And the hum of the cicadas? 

Perfect.

I'm only slightly disappointed that I won't get to make my summer SF trip. 

I love, love, love to visit this time of year. 

Oh, well, there is plenty of fun adventures awaiting on this side.

xoxo

Here At Last.

It has been the craziest week and half, what with the packing, the goodbyes, the loading of the moving truck, the rental papers to read and sign, the forwarding of addresses, etc. etc. 

We are here at last.  Our goal was to split the drive out here into 2 days, but we split it into 3.  It worked out, but if I have to be in a car any time soon for more than an hour, I may scream!  My 2 cats were troopers.  They rode in my mom's car because it could accomodate the pet cage, but I was in charge of them in the hotel rooms.  They were so good, considering each night we were in unfamiliar territory.  They stayed with me, roamed around, checked out the room, and slept on the bed.  They hated being put back into their cage each morning and loaded into the car, but they got over it.

Our house is lovely, in a great, quiet neighborhood.  The neighbors are friendly, and we are halfway down the cul-de-sac.  I am continuing to rent from my parents, and I have one end of the house with my bedroom, bathroom, and an office.  We split the groceries and general expenses, so it's a pretty decent set up.  I have more privacy than before, because of the floorplan of the home.  I am aiming to move out as soon as I am settled and find an area closer to Austin.  I'll be beginning to church shop next weekend, plus find a weight watcher meeting.  Next month, the job hunt will start. 

For now, my days are filled with 'to-do' lists.  During the time I'm here, I want it to still feel like home, so I'm sorting through packed boxes, figuring out what I want out, or what stays packed.  Needless to say, I will not unpack every box until I do have my own place and the room for all of it.  Lots of trips to the store to pick up basic odds and ends that you don't tend to pack.  (Well, I didn't anyway).  But, it's been good.

I am excited about visiting churches and getting involved in Bible studies and ministry.  I'm still undecided about what to do for a job, as I am still trying to build the photography thing.  In the meantime, there are bills to be paid! 

Thank you for all the prayers and support.  I will keep you updated, and will eventually add pictures of the house, when it is finally all decorated!! 

xoxoxo

Angela

Five Alike. {I Carry Your Heart With Me}.

To you, my four darling friends, my sisters and brother,

We were brought together by chance, by work, by God.  How quickly the years have passed.  From moves, to babies, to overnights and long talks, food and laughter, and the occasional tears. 

You are family.  My family.

We are five alike, five different.  We bring out the best in each other.

I thank God for each of you, from the depths of my soul, and the corners of my heart.

I will miss, miss, miss you.  But, the times we will spend together will be cherished even more. 

It's not goodbye, after all. 

"I carry your heart with me.  I carry it in my heart"

I love you.

xoxoxo (a million times over)

Angela

Come Tuesday.

The house is nearly packed (finally).

The days are ticking by rapidly (yet so slowly).

Come Tuesday morning, I will be on the road...

with 2 angry cats...

Crossing state lines.  Following the path ahead.

Following God's call.

There will be

tears.

sorrow.

fear.

excitement.

joy.

peace.

Come Tuesday night, I will be resting in an anonymous hotel room in New Mexico.

So much in one day.

In the past month.

And past year.

When I get there, to the house God has provided...

I will take a NAP.

(Yup, that's the big plan for the arrival in Texas...so far).

Closer.

The closer it (moving day) gets,

the more I want it.

And the fear

is

inevitable.

And the goodbyes are approaching.

And my mind can't seem to

stop.the.questions.

What if, what if, what if...

{positive and doubt combined}.

Change is constant.  Hard.  Invigorating.  Exciting.

Closer.

Unreal.

Sometimes it seems like 'moving day' will never come.

Most of the time, it feels like it's coming too fast.

It's unreal.  Or...surreal. 

I'm living it, and feeling it, but every now and again, it's like I'm watching it all unfold.

I dread the day I say goodbye to those I love so dearly.

And drive for 2 days across the desert landscape to unknown territory.

But, deep inside, I'm so excited.

God is amazing, and He is working beyond my imagination.

I trust wholly in Him, and His guidance.

His love is never surreal or unreal.

It's totally real.

Where Is....??

The packing...

the sorting...

the questioning:  keep or toss?...

It's a pain.

On the one hand, I'll neatly pack a box, label it, and put it with the others, feeling accomplishment and relief.

Only to discover, 2 weeks later, that the book I couldn't find was packed away in said box.

Or the picture I needed to scan.

Or the blank journal that would have come in handy a month ago.

Now, when I stop and wonder 'where is...', I have to mentally go through the packed boxes, find it, and decide whether it's worth it to unpack the box.

Nope, it's not.

Phooey.

Something To Tell You.

To my most faithful, lovely, awesome blog followers/readers/photography clients:

I'm moving!

No, no, not the blog (whew).

In fact, this blog will be where I share and keep you updated on this journey on which I am about to embark.

I, San Diego born girl, am moving from the sunny West Coast to:

Texas!

It's 95% thrilling, and 5% terrifying.  But, even that makes it fun.

God has provided an opportunity for my awesome parents, whom I dearly love and admire to move to the Lone Star State. 

Through prayer and wise counsel, I have decided to step out of my comfort zone and see what Texas may hold for me, as well.  I've visited a couple of times, and loved it both. 

I believe God used my parents as tools to move me.  (In addition to working in their lives).  Because, a year ago, Texas wasn't even an option, in my mind.  And now?  I can't imagine not going.  I'm in a position to go, and the doors are swinging open for me.  I've prayed, sought wise counsel, and have been overwhelmingly supported by my close friends and confidants...they tell me they will miss me, but I have to at least give it a shot.

I, personally, will be seeking out a place in Austin, while they seek out a place farther south of the city, in one of the communities lying between Austin and San Antonio.

Oh, the uncharted territory, adventures, and challenges I will face.  But, I know this is where God is leading me, for this season of life, and I am surrounded by His perfect peace.

So....

Sadly, Little Flock has shut its doors for the time being.  I will not be able to take any more clients or schedule any shoots, as the move will be happening at the end of June (fast!), but there is a chance that in the meantime, at some tragic point, my computer will be temporarily shut off, which means no editing.

Also, a change in e-mail carriers, which means my Little Flock, and personal e-mail addresses will be closed in the very near future.  Boo.

I'll keep you posted as I move along. 

Stick around!

God is good.  Life is exciting.  I'm ready for the risk. 

I.Can't.Wait...

...to see what He has planned next.

xoxo,

Angela